I had a good chance of sleeping early tonight even though I slept through the day and the night with the help of the sleeping pills. I passed it up to cut and stay online on forums. I simply didn’t feel like I could. I mean that like I’m unable to, because of some inexplicable reason.
I’m agitated from the hunger which has not annoyed me for a long while now. I don’t know. My mind’s racing with nothing in particular. I shut my laptop to sleep because I am tired. But my mind does not stop. I thought that maybe the heaviness in my head would take over soon and pound in a dull weariness so I may drift off. Then my windows rattled. The wind howled faintly and the neighbour’s wind chimes jangled. Everything raced. I wondered if I should take take one sleeping pill which should help slow my thoughts enough so that I may fall asleep on my own. I only have three. Safer to save them.
I stepped to the window and pulled up the blinds. I wanted to see the swaying trees. I slid open the windows to get a scent of the mix of night and rain. It smelled like… peanuts. Strange. Jangle jangle jangle. I don’t know where the chimes are. I shut the windows and climbed back into bed. My mind raced still.
Pitter patter the first few drops hit against my glass pane. No. The anxiety. What is wrong with me???? In a minute the droplets hit harder. Plop on the ground, light and loud on the glass, a mess of sounds. I feel like I need to cry but there’s nothing to cry for. I don’t know what to do.
It’s 0316h. Nobody I can talk to is awake. Hell, I need to calm down or I need to be able to cry.